— April 27th 2020 —
An illustration of an ongoing mind. My attempt to illustrate the chaos and the constant battle I have with the human mind.
My own mind.
I find it interesting how we can create and make things and ideas possible with this human mind but we’re also able to kill ourselves with the absolute same. We can build anything up with our minds and our hands but we can easily also destroy it within seconds.
One thing about life that I’ve learned is that before I conquer the external world, I have to master the inner world of my mind.
Whenever I feel productive, my mind tells me otherwise. “Do more”, like I haven’t done enough. It’s a constant battle. It’s not easy especially when the battle is invisible and it’s with myself.
I have many goals that I want to achieve in this lifetime:
“I want to do more for my communities.”
“I want a job that is fulfilling in all kinds of ways.”
“I want to do a handstand”
The problem here is how I get to them… if I’m even able to to get there because the enemy itself doesn’t lie in the outside world. It’s not money, people, or opportunity that’s holding me back. It’s myself.
“Make sure your worst enemy doesn’t live between your own two ears.”
— Laird Hamilton
I set high expectations for myself.
Good at giving people advice but suck at taking my own advice.
For me self-doubt creeps into my system. And all of a sudden, I have a true inner war on my own hands:
“Why am I not doing this?“
“Would I be able to?“
“What am I doing this for?”
“Is it really worth it?”
“Why, why, why?”
There’s a war going inside my head. And often times I’m not aware of it because it has become a normal thing to have these thoughts and self-doubts ever since I remember. To the extend that I wasn’t aware of it until a couple of years ago when I really sat down with myself, looked at myself in the mirror and reflected on my life.